War Crazy

Camillo Bica

After years of introspection, I have, at last, accepted my insanity, though not without serious trepidation. After all, being crazy is not easily identifiable in one's own case - - or at least not something one readily admits. I guess it’s part of being crazy to cling to a facade of sanity, to think oneself normal and everyone else insane.

I wasn't always crazy though. Wasn't born crazy. I think insanity crept up on me, happened in Vietnam, in the war. War does that you know, drives people crazy. All that killing and dying, can make anyone crazy. In fact, if war does not make you crazy, you must be crazy already. And that's a bad kind of crazy. I knew people like that, didn't like them. Thought they were lucky though, killing and dying meant nothing. In fact, in a perverse way, they enjoyed it, enjoyed the jazz, the excitement, the power. They became avenging angels, even god herself, dutifully making decisions of life or death, but mostly death. These crazies hated to see the war end. For me, the war never ends.

Sometimes things work out for the best, though, because being crazy probably saved my life. You see, sane people could not live like this, in a war that never ends. Not all crazy people can either. Guess I was lucky. Sometimes being crazy helps you cope. Sometimes, I wish I were crazier than I am . . .

War Crazy is included in my upcoming book, Meditations on War: the Memories, Flashbacks, and Cynical Ranting of a Vietnam Survivor, scheduled for realease in Mid 2006. Please email for further information.